Adaptation of Baldwin’s famous monologue from the Mamet film to the Star Wars universe, e.g.:

VADER: Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. Because we’re adding a little something to this month’s Imperial Raffle. As you all know, first prize is a TIE Advanced Fighter model x1. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steaksabers.

VADER: Third prize is I’m your father.

Heck, I went ahead and actually did the whole thing.  Go read it right here.